they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
