i just had sex bonerless
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
