I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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