dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
