wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
