K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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