If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
