She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.