I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there's paper in my vomit.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.