I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.