I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?