hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am naked and annoyed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.