we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
