So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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