He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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