Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
