Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
