A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
