Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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