Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
