i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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