didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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