So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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