Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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