We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
