His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
