it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
