if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
