I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
