Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
