She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
