i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's Friday. Sex?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
