Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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