Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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