6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am one with the molecules
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
