New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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