I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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