How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
