i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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