onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize