She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
