the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
