If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
