I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
