ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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