She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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