You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
