I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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