My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
