it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
