yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They took my balls.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
