They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
