i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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