I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
