Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
