dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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