it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
