haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
