Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
