Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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