I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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