What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
