tell your sister to shave her snatch
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
