hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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