I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
