WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
