Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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