im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
