He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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